Yesterday marked my last day of work at B. After 5 long years, it really feels like the end of an era. I have gone from a wide-eyed clueless fresh grad to a jaded corporate zombie to a renewedly wide-eyed MBA student. After months of counting down to this very day, excitedly looking forward to it, dreaming of it, I find myself feeling strangely nostalgic and sad.
All through my University years and my 5 years in B, I have spent most of my time dreaming of living abroad. Of doing something different for a living. Of making a difference in the world. Now that opportunity is sitting on the palm of my hands and I suddenly find myself feeling something I never thought I would – a strange fear. a strange longing to want to hold on to familiar settings. a strange fondness and love for all things Singapore and a deep passion for my current job.
Leaving my job means to enter the world of unemployment, something I have been blessed to never have experienced before. To leave this utopian island and to move to the jungle of Manhattan would mean I need to give up all presently known comforts (big spacious house, cab rides at whim, mum’s cooking, safety etc).
The fear of the uncertainty is manifesting its ugly head in the form of Stockholm Syndrome, although admittedly neither Singapore nor B are as bad as being held prisoner.
I am aware that this is just the initial apprehension and excitement will soon take over. And in all honesty, I am really looking forward to living alone, having my own space, being able to discover a new city and call it my home, meet people of totally varied backgrounds to my own, explore new ideas, be challenged etc. But maybe just today I am allowed to mope and miss the things that now belong to my past.
